It’s only Day 4 of this Coronavirus lockdown and I’m #*%&@ ! I’d like to use an actual expletive, but my conscience doesn’t sit right with that. It’s how I feel today, and there’s no other way of describing it.
I’ve lost some significant things in my life. Big things!
Actually, I shouldn’t say lost, rather stolen. I feel pretty emotional about those things today. Its like the culmination of things lost and stolen in the past is weighted down to emotional breaking point with this latest ‘straw’.
I’m not talking material things, more like, you know, those things that are actually important – relationships, time, opportunities.
They are the things that I know this broken life and the result of ruin has stolen – from me, and those I love, all of us really. And right now, well, I’m upset, and grieving these. This pandemic adds to the list of things stolen, and today my grief is for my boys.
With this world-gone-crazy, this virus has robbed us all of peace, and in its place anxiety, and fear of the unknown. It has robbed us of lives, and in their place, deep and dark grief and heartache. It has robbed us of jobs, and instead many now face financial insecurity and fear of the future. It has robbed us of normality and now we go about searching for a new kind of normal. We have lost freedom. We have medical professionals putting themselves at risk. We no longer can go to our workplaces and are locked down in our homes – terrifying for many. We are forbidden social connection. Our health and well-being is vulnerable. We have lost our sense of what is true and what is conspiracy. Nothing is as it was.
The grief I feel today cannot be compared to the great loss of many. But it is mine to grieve. Yes, there are problems greater, and I don’t wish to lessen the pain of anyone’s loss or the burden they carry, but I’m grieving the loss of life as it was, and in particular in my own little world, I’m gutted for my boys – and the children of their generation. Life adventurous, abundant, hopeful for our youth is now clouded with uncertainty and cut short.
I have one boy who has returned home from overseas. He didn’t want to. It was the first time being independent from us, and though not without its challenges, he was “having the time of his life”. It crushed me knowing that this would have to end for him. My son’s flight home was filled with young Kiwis like him with snowboard bags and backpacks, all returning home – their lives and their adventures abruptly cut short. It makes me so sad!
I have another son who has been away from home for many years now, living his best life (as he describes it), coming home shortly…to isolate. I have 2 other sons, both locked in their homes, working from there, socially isolated.
The things like, life without limits, freedom, adventure, time, health and independence have suddenly been stolen from this generation of children. And as the reality of this situation we find ourselves in becomes clearer, news I read like, “longer than 4 weeks lockdown”, “international travel maybe up to a year and half away before its restored”, borders closed, kids having to come home from university and other countries, their jobs lost, stuck at home, the loss of health, the loss of lives, friends and family, or whatever the scenario, makes me mad.
The one thing we do know is that life will emerge from this virus and lockdown, different, and I don’t know what that will look like.
Will they be able to pick up the pieces and get back to where they were? Or not?
The gravity of all this has hit me today, hence the rave.
But it’s led me to pray…to the One who is Grace and Mercy, and deep deep Love for humanity. These things flow through our world freely. It was the message of Jesus to His disciples, “Go and tell the world all these things you have seen and heard” (my version). It is a message of desire for us to live abundantly. Jesus has conquered evil and it’s associated consequences, the sin, the fallen world, and of death, and disease, though we still live here in it. I’m not a “this virus is the hand of the Lord” judgment type of person, rather a “this virus is the result and consequence of living in a fallen world” one.
But God has said that when we pray, which I am today, He will hear.
When King Solomon of the Old Testament prayed this –
1 Kings 8:37-39
“When famine or plague comes to the land, or…locusts…or…an enemy…whatever disaster or disease may come, and when a prayer or plea is made by anyone among your people Israel—being aware of the afflictions of their own hearts, and spreading out their hands toward this temple— then hear from heaven, your dwelling place. Forgive and act; deal with everyone according to all they do, since you know their hearts (for you alone know every human heart)”
God responded with this –
2 Chronicles 7:15
“My eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered”
And then later God said –
Joel 2:25
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten”
So, from my anger and resentment towards this swarming locust I am praying. (I mean, what else can I really do? Complain? Get depressed?) –
“God of Love and Mercy and Grace, hear my prayer today. Would you restore to my sons, to their generation and the next, even to us as the older generations, the years (the days, the months, the life, the independence, the freedom, the wages, jobs and education, the health, the opportunities, the adventure, the hanging out in big groups, the fun, the laughter, the outdoors, the excitement and hope for the future, and whatever else) that this swarming locust, this virus, has eaten, taken…stolen…from us. It has taken us by surprise. We don’t like it. We were not prepared. We are anxious. May we walk out from our homes soon and into a better freedom, into making the most of life and people, into a deeper appreciation of what we have, into adventure again, into greater acknowledgment that the time we have is precious and cannot be taken advantage of, into a full and abundant life, better than it was before. And God would you do it sooner than we all anticipate? We are safe in Your love, no matter what happens, but please don’t let life and all the important and good things, those things that really matter in this world, be stolen from us. And as we do, let us desire what you desire. Help us to live better, more adventurous, bolder, kinder, fuller lives. Do not let evil have his way. Let my boys and their generation be free again to pursue and live life – real life. Please.”