I sat with an old frail woman in the waiting area at the courthouse a while ago. Her family had gone outside to have a cigarette to relieve the stress of the circumstances that day. I found myself in what was a privileged position – a sacred place – as she recalled her story to me.
I thought of the journey I was on, the things that God was impressing on my heart in a deeper way than I had known before, where, in the beginning, there was Adam and Eve, created very good. The best and greatest of creation, formed, designed, made like God. These, He had invited to share with Him in the mutual enjoyment of close, connected,
Ruined.
Sin set in motion the destruction of humanity – falling from an existence where Love filled and generated goodness and life in every fibre of their beings, to the terror of life outside of the perfect safety of Love. And with every successive generation, the ongoing downward spiral into depravity: the accumulation of sin and its brokenness leading to further degeneration as each new God-designed, yet fallen,
As she told me her story I thought of the words I knew from the Bible. When Moses asked God to show him who He was, God described Himself as, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin” Exodus 34:6-7. Then comes the next sentence, “Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation”. It is this sentence that I have accused God of, for being unjust and cruel. Why would He punish children for the sins of their parents? I have been confused by the second part of this description He gives of Himself. I have had to remember what I know from the rest of the story of the Bible, where each person, each individual is responsible for their own actions, their own sin, 2 Corinthians 5:10, and I have had to learn to read these verses with the perspective of Love, where the sins of the fathers could continue forever, families lost in sin and ruin and brokenness, generation after generation, but God does not allow it! Instead, He puts a stop after three to four generations! Grace intervenes! This woman’s story revealed the true heart of God, helping to make sense of what Moses had asked, and of what God had revealed to him.
The HCSB translation of Exodus 34 reads this way, “But He will not leave the guilty unpunished, bringing the consequences of the fathers’ wrongdoing on the children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation”. The word consequence speaks of the natural way of sin – the affliction or ‘punishment’ it causes, where our decisions (intentional or not) result in brokenness being passed down on those of the next generation. Sin, not God, continues to ruin us. It is its nature. The ruin and brokenness we know today will be passed on to our children and to their children. Sin brings multigenerational curse! It cannot help but destroy and deprave – one choice made today can and does place influence and pressure on future children to be born, to do the same.
Then came Jesus…
Jesus is God’s individual and generational sin-breaker. The destructive power sin has had on us, and its relentless harm on future generations, was halted through the death of Jesus. Jesus was God’s intervening grace, given from the heart of great Love, and out of grief for the way in which sin has thoroughly ruined us.
After she had recalled her story, I knew for certain I had been given one of the most powerful sermons of my lifetime. She may have believed in God, I guess possibly she did in her own way, but it didn’t matter this day, because God knew her, that much was evident, and that is what mattered. I didn’t ask or deserve the vulnerability afforded me in the telling of her story, but I am so glad she entrusted me with it.
She was the mum of the friend I had gone to support that day. While the others went off for a cigarette I offered to stay with her. She was ill, her body battling a condition that could not be cured, and had made the brave but arduous effort to be at her daughter’s side. She asked me what I did. So, as I always do, I rattled off the casual jobs I have, and then lastly told her of the volunteer work I did at the church where my husband was the Pastor (leaving this until last as often awkwardness or judgment accompanies the ‘pastor status’). I showed her photos of my boys. It was just conversation – easy and simple – to have with someone I didn’t know.
It seemed quite a surprise then, that she told me about her family, “I come from a family where for four generations, the males have been sex offenders. My brother is currently in prison for a sex offense (but not pedophilia like the others). I have had three girls, and so has my brother”.
She told me how that she had related the thoughts she had been reflecting on to her brother while visiting him in prison one day, and how these had been his conclusions too. Their thoughts went like this –
“It’s the end of the line,” she told me. “For four generations the males have been under the pressure and influence of the man before them, and it has been carried down. It’s stopped with the coming of the girl-only families. It’s a blessing,” she said. “To our girls have been born two boys each. We have a chance now. Our grand-boys have been given the chance where there will be no pressure on them to become the same.”
Oh my!
It was on the tip of my tongue, but the others had arrived back, and it now seemed inappropriate to whip out my phone app and say, “Look the Bible talks about this…”
But to the reader of this Blog, “Look, the Bible talks about this!” – “bringing the consequences of the fathers’ wrongdoing on the children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation.” And then there’s an abrupt full stop. A halt: the place where grace intervenes.
Our conversation had been interrupted, but I told her I thought it was a blessing too, just as she had. I told her I felt it an awesome privilege to have been entrusted with her story.
I don’t know if this woman believed in God. She would probably have said she and her family were “non-Christians” (ugh! I hate this term!). We (Christians) have tended to believe (and I’m in the process of deconstructing a whole lot of previously held beliefs), that blessings like this come to “Christians”. I have been taught in the past, a religious philosophy that would hold to the position that there are ‘those who are in and those who are out’ when it comes to love, blessings, inclusion, and grace. But, this woman and her family do not follow Christ and yet I am heart astounded by grace. God gave the grace that was needed, through the birth of girl-only families, that put a stop to this generational ruin – to a family that doesn’t even acknowledge Him, Luke 6:35b-36.
God is gracious to all humanity Psalm 145:8-9, Psalm 100:5, He grieves over all humanity’s ruin, He is not about who’s in and who’s out, and this ‘sermon’ helped me to see that, as well as impressing on me the truth that our future does not need to be defined by our past. This beautiful woman saw something profound happen in her family, in her
How did she know how I would receive it? How did she know that I wouldn’t shudder at the mention of the depth of her family’s depravity, which she would then instantly feel judged by? Thankfully my heart’s response was genuinely and simply to hear and acknowledge the story she was relaying to me. I didn’t react or feel repulsive, but instead felt like I was alongside her, part of ruined humanity, just as she and her family were. How did she know to trust me with such precious, normally-kept-hidden-in-the-dark secrets?
How incredible God is! How like Him this story is. I wished for her to know God’s love, and know that this is indeed redeeming grace. Perhaps she did know some – she certainly knew it was a blessing. Later, when I was thinking back on my day, I prayed that somehow she would experience God’s Love for her. She passed away not long after.
I have come away from that day, different. The power of her ‘sermon’ has shown me that God’s deep love and redeeming grace is for all humanity, effective not only in the lives of those who know Him, but those who do not – yet, at least. God had taught me something important here.
The story of redeeming grace continues in this woman’s family. Change is so evident in her daughter, who is my friend. Her past is not defining her future. The deep walls that had her heart held with the defiant protective stance, “Don’t you dare love me!” are being torn down. The rampant destruction of her life halted. She is moving towards something new and beautiful because Love does that. God does that.
It gives me hope for myself and for my friends.