From childhood, we take in things around us, what we see, hear, know, sense and feel about something, and through the continual experimental exploration of our surroundings, we formulate a picture which becomes stored in our memory bank which then allows us to knowingly interact with our world. With God, we do the same – we gather and box, making up our God-box with pictures and ideas gathered here and there.
I have been gathering and boxing, in an attempt to understand love: the perfect love of God. As I open the boxes gathered in order to connect them one with the other, I continually discover that each is only a minute increment toward the understanding of love that is in fact, incomprehensible. Intimacy with God are thoughts that have been collected and stacked on the shelf in my mind. As I try to understand why the Creator of the Universe longs for intimacy with me, I unpack a few of these –
Here in this country of New Zealand, my home, our
Taylor Jenkins wrote in a popular recently circulated social media post, “People think intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your
The term, face-to-face, expresses the intimate relationship our triune God has, and the wonder of His desire for me to share in this. It is an invite into this same love where I come face-to-face with God, in closeness, the exchange of breath, the vulnerability of baring one’s whole truth, and knowing I am safe here.
The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines face-to-face as within each other’s presence. The word within is to be inside one’s inner thought, disposition, or character. Fully in, included and intimate. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are harmoniously one, yet separate in existence, who together share the same thought, disposition, character, intent, and purpose, fully embraced within perfect love; here, we are invited.
The Free Dictionary’s definition of face-to-face adds, having the fronts or faces toward or close to each other, directly facing each other. Again, i
In the Hebrew, I discover the word face (Hebrew – el), shares the same root as the word, Presence. God’s Presence is close, felt, always Present, intimate. His face is always toward us in
In St Paul’s words, “in
In the Old Testament, Jacob wrestled with God, declaring he had been face-to-face with Him. The word used is against Genesis 32:30. He got close, intimate and personal with God. The same was true of Moses, “And the Lord spoke unto Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend” Exodus 33:11, “And there arose not a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face” Deuteronomy 34:10. Intimate face against face closeness. In Ezekiel 20:35-36 it says, “And I will bring you into the wilderness of the people, and there will I plead with you face to face”. I love the idea of this verse in Ezekiel – the tone of face against face here suggests foreheads touching in an intimate pleading of one for the other to see the wrong done and to turn back to full agreement of purpose and thought. Like an argument between two lovers has been had and one is beseeching the other for intimacy and harmony within the relationship to be restored.
All of these boxes opened, combined, begin to describe the beautiful intimacy I have been invited into, in love. “Praise be to God for giving us through Christ every possible spiritual benefit as citizens of Heaven! For consider what he has done—before the foundation of the world he chose us to become, in Christ, his holy and blameless children living within his constant care. He planned, in his purpose of love, that we should be adopted as his own children through Jesus Christ—that we might learn to praise that glorious generosity of his which has made us welcome in the everlasting love he bears towards the Son” Ephesians 1:3-6.
Living within His constant care
Welcomed in His everlasting love
God invites me into face-to-face, heads against each other relationship, in the sense of complete belonging to each other in deep intimacy. It is the experience and existence had by Him daily, moment by moment: the never interrupted oneness and inclusion had in the Godhead – from where within we were created and birthed, and is where we are designed to live.
I have found myself outside of this intimate face-to-face relationship, yet He is against me, the desire of His forehead against mine in a pleading posture, expressing His longings, His argument, asking that I might see that I have gone astray and can only be truly satisfied in my return, beseeching me to come back into agreement and harmony with Him as the Lover of my soul. In a gracious and loving way, He speaks from His heart, with His head against mine.
This face-to-face posture is partly determined by my will to return, but more so because of His love for me expressed in His intent and purpose to restore and return me. I don’t know what it was that I had in creation, I don’t really know what it is I have lost, I don’t know what was intended for me, and so I don’t seek it. It’s like I live in a fog, not really able to see clearly. God’s desire and purpose is to restore me to all that was meant to be. Because His heart is towards me, and He pursues me, and reveals His love to me, as He pleads His case, my soul awakens, my eyes see more clearly, and I begin to desire Him, and what I was created for.
I can remember when my boys were little. If I was busy or sidetracked with something else and they wanted my full attention, they would put their beautiful tiny little hands – one on each of my cheeks and turn my face to look at them straight in the eye. They would move their little face close to mine, really close, not only to get me to hear but so that I would pay full attention to all they had to say. It was their attempt at saying, this is important, and I need you to get it. If they didn’t do this, they instinctively knew that the uh-huh I gave them was half-hearted and they wanted more than that response from me. It was important to them that I heard and understood. It is true to say they would only do this because they knew this was a safe and personal relationship with someone they trusted. Me! Too cute!
But in a similar way, the relationship God desires with me is face-to-face, in close, me hearing what He has to say because it is important, and equally, Him listening to those things that are important and mean something to me.
“God, if You were to place Your hands on my cheeks, turn my face towards You, move close until Your forehead touches mine, and lock eyes with me in intimacy, what would You say to me? I think the truth of intimacy I would probably say to You is that I felt unworthy, but so so grateful. That I didn’t understand, couldn’t see things, didn’t get it, missed so much. I would say I am sorry, but I’d also ask You to stay close because I need You. I think I would ask You about some of the things I didn’t understand – those why questions I have had. And I feel like here in this posture, I would feel welcome and safe and understood.
I think You would speak words to me that would make my soul burst. Words I have so long needed to hear and know. Words that would speak about my identity because they would be words of love and desire for me, and of how You see me. I think Your words would make me sigh, and feel like I could let go of an invisible load of guilt and shame and pain and fear and unworthiness that I carry. I think I could rest here and feel like I was home. And here, I think I would feel an incredible sense of the joy that You were experiencing with our faces together, eyes locked, being together, talking, enjoying the intimacy. I think You would tell me You loved being this way with me, and I would feel so filled up that I think I would hear You say, “Let Me Love you and I will Love you“.